Fun with Akatsuki 3: The Underpants Gnomes
by BladedWithEbony
Summary: Deidara loses his toothbrush, hidan kills a buncha rats, zetsu cleans the frige, tobi wears a bikini and there are underpants gnomes! how could one not like this story? warning: contains coarse language. rated M for mature


You are probably all wondering why this story is as it is. Well, this story begins with a regular day in the Akatsuki Base…

Deidara: HIDAN! WHERE THE FUCK IS MY TOOTHBRUSH???

Hidan: I DIDN'T FUCKING TAKE YOUR GAY ASS TOOTHBRUSH!

Kakuzu: What the hell are you two fighting about now?

Deidara: HIDAN THREW OUT MY FUCKING TOOTHBURSH!

Kakuzu: Not again…

Hidan: HEY WHO'S SIDE ARE YOU ON BASTARD?!

Pein: WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON?

Deidara: THIS GAY ASS WIPE KEEPS STEALING MY FUCKING TOOTHBRUSH!

Hidan: FOR THE LAST TIME I DIDN'T TAKE THAT SHITTY TOOTHBRUSH!

Pein: …I'm surrounded by idiots. Can it get any worse?

Tobi: IM A GOOD BOY!

Pein: God damn it…TOBI GO JUMP OFF A CLIFF!

Tobi: OK! –jumps off a cliff- AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAaaaaaaaa…

-SPLASH-

Pein: O.O

Tobi: I'M OK!

Deidara: …

Hidan: …

Kakuzu: …

Zetsu: …

Deidara: WHEN DID ZETZU GET HERE?

Zetsu: I'm always here. Watching you…all…the…time…

Deidara: O.o STALKER!!!

Zetsu: Lol.

Pein: Ok so let's go find Deidara's toothbrush so we don't have to waste money on a new one.

Kakuzu: DID SOMEONE SAY MONEY?

Pein: Kakuzu shut up.

Tobi: Ok Tobi is back!

Deidara: Good for once. Go look under the couch for my toothbrush.

Tobi: Tobi's a good boy!

Everyone: WE KNOW!

Hidan: I'll go look in the basement.

Deidara: Now why the fuck would it be there?

Hidan: Exactly. –goes to the basement-

Deidara: selfish bastard…

Zetsu: I'll go look in the fridge.

Deidara: Why would it-

Pein: Deidara?

Deidara: Oh. Right.

And just at that moment Itachi and Kisame came back from P.F. Chang's.

Itachi: Ok who had the egg rolls?

Deidara: …

Pein: …

Tobi: …

Hidan: …

Zetsu: …

Konan: Me!

Everyone: WHEN THE HELL DID YOU GET HERE?

Konan: Dude everyone appears out of nowhere in these dumb things.

Kisame: You know, she's right.

Deidara: Yeah. Like Tobi and Zetsu always come outta nowhere.

Sasori: Yeah.

Everyone: SASORI FOR THE LAST TIME YOU'RE DEAD!

Sasori: Oh yeah.

Deidara: Damn it everyone keep looking for my god damn toothbrush!

Kisame: Deidara lost his toothbrush again?

Pein: -slaps forehead-

Itachi: Um I'm blind so I can't see anything…

Pein: Just look anyway so Deidara will stop bitching to us.

Hidan: Did anyone find it yet?

Tobi: I found a poptart!

Itachi: Cool! –eats it-

Konan: O.o That's been there for like 8 ye-

Itachi: Omg this tastes great!

Hidan: Ok I'm going back to the basement to ki- I mean ask the rats where it is.

Pein: What is wrong with that kid…

Tobi: Tobi found a penguin!

Deidara: Why the fuck is there a penguin under the couch?

Itachi: -whistles-

Deidara: …Itachi why is there a penguin under the couch?

Itachi: THERE ARE NO LEMON IN THE CHILLE!

Deidara: …

Pein: …

Kisame: …

Deidara: I'm gonna go look under the bed.

Pein: God why does this crap happen all the time. I mean with Tobi and the Wishing well and the log and the- HOLY SHIT I'M MISSING CORY IN THE HOUSE!

Konan: …?

Kisame: I'm gonna look under the couch too.

Zetsu: BURRRRRRRRRRRP! Find anything?

Tobi: Tobi found a fish!

Kisame: Let go of my hair you dick!

Tobi: Sorry Kisame! –throws him out the window-

Kisame: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!

-SPLASH-

Tobi: …

Konan: …

Zetsu: …

Kisame: I'M OK!

Konan: I'm going to just go to sleep.

So Konan went to sleep in her room.

3 hours later

Deidara: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!

Konan: WHAT THE FUCKING HELL WAS THAT?

Hidan: I WAS JUST IN THE MIDDLE OF MY 42ND RITUAL TODAY!

Zetsu: I was almost done cleaning the fridge! –burps-

Pein: God damn it what is it now Deidara?

Deidara: I JUST SAW TOBI INA BIKINI!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Pein: O.o

Konan: o.O

Zetsu: O.O

Kisame: 0.0

Itachi: .

Tobi was getting hot trying to find Deidara's toothbrush so the creator put him in a bikini and Deidara walked in on him. XD I love my job

Tobi: GAH! WHY IS TOBI INA BIKINI?????????

Itachi: MY EYES! MY EYES!

Kisame: You're blind idiot.

Itachi: Oh yeah.

Konan: -slaps Tobi-

Pein: ….once again I'm surrounded by idiots…

Zetsu: …no comment.

Yeah Zetsu has no say in this. XD

Deidara: Hey! Can we PLEASE get back to finding my toothbrush?

Pein: Yeah sorry Deidara. The writer gets carried away sometimes.

…

Pein: Shit.

DIE PEIN YOU MOTHER FUCKING BASTARD! – pushes him off a cliff-

Pein: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!

-SPLASH-

Tobi: …

Deidara: …

Zetsu: …

Hidan: …

Kakuzu: …

Konan: …

Itachi: …

Kisame: …

Pein: I'M OK!

DAMN IT!

So Tobi went to change back into regular clothes when he found that he couldn't find his underwear.

Tobi: DEIDARA! TOBI CAN'T FIND HIS UNDERWEAR!

Deidara: Do we really need to know that?

Tobi: Tobi can't change without underwear!

Deidara: Shit. SOMEONE FIND HIM SOME UNDERWEAR NOW!

Itachi: He can't have any of mine.

Kisame: Mine smell like fish.

Hidan: …

Konan: …

Kakuzu: I'm not buying anything.

Pein: OH FOR CHRIST SAKE

Tobi: Hey! Kakuzu! Why is your money going into that hole?

Kakuzu: WHAT?

Kakuzu turned around to find that his wallet was being pulled into a tiny hole in the wall where Deidara tried to blow up Tobi for rigging the front door with toilet paper.

Kakuzu: YOU LITTLE BITCHES COME BACK WITH MY MONEY!

Hidan: Fuck all this crap going missing. I'm going to kill whatever bitches are causing all this mother-fucking shit to happen.

Pein: Dude Hidan you gotta take a chill pill. You're lucky. You'd be cancelled if you said that kind of stuff in the American version.

Hidan: FUCK YOU LEADER!

Konan: I can't believe I'm a part of this. Ok that's it. I'm leaving!

So Konan left.

Pein: ….um ok…

Deidara: And I still can't find my damn toothbrush.

Tobi: And Tobi can't find Tobi's underwear!

If you watch South Park you probably know what will happen next. If not, then just enjoy this and if you don't understand go watch South Park Season Two: Gnomes.

So they all (except for Konan ho has left this story until the next random piece of shit that I keep coming up with that you all apparently like (Yay!) ) went in search of their missing items. They followed a tiny trail of footprints outside and into a cave and down past a waterfall and past the grave of Hitler they finally came to a really weird place where tiny little gnomes were gathering around a big pile of crap that must have been from all over the continent. And they were singing a song…that went like: (by the way if I don't sing it like in the ep then just comment in your own head thanx)

Time to go to work!

We work all night!

Search for underpants weeee…

We won't stop

'Til we have underpants

Long time yummy time YAY!

Deidara: OH DEAR GOD MAKE IT STOP!

Hidan: THIS IS ALMOST WORST THAT THE IF YOU WERE GAY SONG!

Tobi: If you were gay…

Everyone: SHUT UP!

And right then all the little underpants gnomes saw them. One came up and looked at them and then asked:

Gnome Leader: What do you want? If you're here to sue us you have no right!

Pein: Hey we're not here to sue you.

Gnome Leader: Oh…then what are you here for?

Deidara: You took my god damn toothbrush!

Kakuzu: And you took my wallet with all my money!

Tobi: And you took Tobi's underwear so now Tobi can't change out of this bikini!

Gnome Leader: …

Everyone: …

Jimmy: Dude you are so gay!

Gnome Leader: Shut up Jimmy!

Deidara: Give me back my damn toothbrush!

Hidan: Or else!

Gnome Leader: Or else what?

Hidan: -takes out his scythe and acts all psycho creepy-

Gnome Leader: Oh you wanna go? Bring it pussy!

3 seconds later

Hidan: WHO'S NEXT?!?!?!

Jimmy: -raises hand-

Pein: -slaps forehead-

3 seconds later:

Deidara: Oh for Christ sake just give us back our stuff so he'll stop killing you.

Bob: Fine. -gives everyone back their stuff-

Kakuzu: Yay! I got my money back! Now I can hoard it for the rest of my life!

Deidara: Yay! I got my toothbrush back! Now I can brush my teeth!

Tobi: Yay! Tobi got Tobi's underwear back! Now Tobi can change out of this bikini!

Everyone: YAY!

And so this ends the tale of how those little gnomes stole everyone's stuff but they were only really after underpants. Everyone is happy except for Konan who is still pissed at everyone and moved to Canada. No I'm just kidding. She moved to Sweden.

The End

Kakashi: Moo.

GOD DAMN IT KAKASHI GET THE FUCK OUT OF MY STORY!

Kakashi: Moo!

NO! NO MOO!

Kakashi: Moooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

OH MY FUCKING GOD! TOBI!

Tobi: If you were gay…

Kakashi: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA –runs away-

Finally.

The End

Kisame: Hey! This can't be the end! I barely said anything!

Yeah you did. You said:

Flashback

Kisame: You know, she's right.

and

Kisame: Deidara lost his toothbrush again?

and

Kisame: Let go of my hair you dick!

Flashback ends

Kisame: Oh yeah…but Zetsu didn't say anything really!

Oh shut up. I'll make more of these so just pipe down and watch the following credits.

CREDITS

EVERYTHING EXCEPT IDEAS

ME

IDEAS

SOUTH PARK

The End


End file.
